I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog Jake. In the check-out line, a woman asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? I said no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her it was a Perfect Diet. Load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Eat 1-2 every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete. It works so well I was going to try it again. (Practically everyone in line was now enthralled.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I said no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s ass and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack laughing. Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.